As a parent of Irish Twins, some people think we’re batshit crazy ambitious and I have gotten some comments that I would categorize as a bit “out there” from strangers or people I don’t know well.  This got me thinking and wondering if other Mama’s have been asked some horribly invasive or stupid outlandish questions so I posted it to our local Mom’s Facebook group page and I couldn’t believe some of the things people have asked these women.

So here is the list of things that have been said to REAL moms by REAL people. We are all REAL parents, working REALLY hard to do what we think is best for our Little Ones.

The things said are in bold, the responses are not. Feel free to skim or read them all! 

Things That you NEVER say to a Parent:

To ANY PARENT: 

1. Were they planned?
2. Is that your child? Are you the nanny/grandma?  
3. Is the Dad involved?
4. [When buying a pregnancy test] Do you want it to be negative or positive?
5. If you think a toddler is hard, wait until they’re teenagers
6. Do you think you’ll keep her/him?
7. Oh, he’s so cute! He must take after his father.
8. Are her glasses real?
9. Are you pregnant?
10. Are you sure you’re not pregnant?
11. Are you their real mother/father?
12. I see you are married, good for you for marrying the father of your youngest!
13. Thank goodness it’s a boy. Your parents will be so pleased, and now you don’t have to have any more if you don’t want to.
14. How did you get a baby? 
15. Oops!! That wasn’t planned! Don’t do that again!
16. He’s so big, you should really only feed him when he’s super hungry.
17. Wow, he’s a lot to handle.
18. You’re so skinny, doesn’t your mother ever feed you? 
19. Raising girls is scary, they’re more likely to be abducted. 
20. You look tired.
21. You look too young/old to have kids!
22. Your son is so cute! [She’s a girl]
23. Your daughter is so cute! [He’s a boy]
24. If you had a c-section you didn’t really give birth. You’re lucky you got the easy way out. 
25. You had a C-section? Aren’t you sad you missed out on the natural way?
26. Oh…you’re not breastfeeding…”
27. Don’t you know that boys grow up and never visit their mothers
28. It’s so great that dad babysits the kids sometimes!
29. When does your NICU baby get to come home, isn’t that hard not having him home?
30. Oh 7 yrs apart,  same husband?
31. I know a lot of parents don’t like your kid, but we love him. Ummm thanks?
32. Wow, I don’t envy you AT ALL!
33. You’re STILL breastfeeding? When are you going to stop? That baby is too old to be breastfeeding still. 
34. Are they a good baby? She’s on parole, I’m just her officer. No, she’s been to juvie a few times, and is wanted for armed robbery.
35. Don’t worry, your body will bounce back. 
36. When are you going to have a boy?/You need a boy to carry on the family name.
37. You’re not going to breastfeed, are you? Then you’re no better than an animal!
38. Now, you’re too big to be pushed around in a stroller like that. You need to get up and walk around like the rest of us.
39. Why are they so shy?  Uhhh, they don’t know you.

To a Parent not Wearing a Wedding Ring: 

1. You should probably tell people that you and her father are married, you know so people don’t ask questions.
2. If he loved you he would marry you.
3. Do you think you’ll get married?
4. You’re divorced and you bought this house on your own? You must get a lot of child support.

To a Pregnant Woman: 

1. Are you sure you’re not expecting twins?
2. You’re huge, is your due date near?
3. [If the person only has boy children] You must be hoping for a girl.
4. [If the person only has girl children] You must be hoping for a boy.
5. What are you going to do with it? 
6. When are you scheduling your csection? 
7. Hmm, he has not dropped yet, but you look done!
8. Are you ever going to show? Are they sure about your due date, I didn’t even remember you were pregnant. 
9. Eww, you’re already so huge. 
10. You didn’t buy both cribs yet, right? Because sometimes one twin can die. 
11. I hope your baby survives since you’re telling people so early. 
12. I’m sure your husband wants a boy.

To Adoptive Parents or Stepparents:

1. Where is the real mom? 
2. Where is the real dad?
3. Why would you steal their baby?
4. How much did you pay for her?
5. Where did you get her? 
6. And your husband doesn’t want his OWN?
7. Which one of you is their REAL Mom/Dad? 

To Parents of Multiple Children: 

1. Are your twins natural? 
2. Why did you want to have them so far apart? That must have been awful to adjust back to
3. Why did you want to have them so close? 
4. I’m sorry it’s another boy.. are you going to keep trying for a girl?
5. Really? Another one? 
6. Oh! You finally got a GIRL!!
7. Wow, I guess you really take this Catholic thing seriously!
8. You know you are supposed to stop after you have one of each.
9. Now you don’t need to have any more
10. Double Trouble
11. You’ve got your hands full. My hands are only full when I hold them at the same time.
12. You know how that happens right?

To Parents with only One Child:

1. You should have more kids.
2. You should have more kids NOW, you’re not getting any younger.
3. When are you having another? You should have another one, it isn’t fair that he’s an only child
4. Why would you only have ONE child? That is so sad and selfish.

To Parents of a Young Child: 

1. “That baby shouldn’t be out. That’s a newborn”
2. Do you carry your baby in that sling a lot? You should put your baby down more often or they won’t be independent.

And my favorite honorable mention:

“Look what happens when you are not careful” but it was said by local bum at 5 am as she was pushing her baby daughter in stroller in downtown La Jolla so she took it in stride.

I think the main point I want to bring across is that parenting is HARD!! Hard enough when you’re not deflecting hurtful comments, running after an escaping toddler, figuring out how to pay for everything your child needs, and wondering when you’ll actually sleep again.  You never know someone’s story, their struggles with infertility, body image, self worth, battles with illness, the emotions of being a foster parent, postpartum depression or anything else life might have thrown their way. As humankind we both need to remember that everyone is human and be kind. 

I hope these comments find the eyes of someone who might have said one of these things and now will decide not to. When in doubt of what to say…. just say, ” What a beautiful family.” 

I hope you’ve gotten a laugh from some of these, learned from others and have enjoyed your coffee this morning, even if it’s cold.