Today I changed two diapers before the sun came up.

Measured out ibuprofen for a teething toddler before the sun came up.

Opened the blinds with a lightsaber before the sun came up.

Started loads of laundry and dishes before the sun came up.

My coffee started getting cold before the sun came up.

Stepped over a rainbow tower before the sun came up.

Soothed two sweet babies before the sun came up.

Kissed my hubby off to work before the sun came up.

Saw sleepy smiles and bouncing grins before the sun came up.

Played trains and cars and planes before the sun came up.

Listened to baby talk before the sun came up.

Had a dance off in the kitchen with my happy footed toddler before the sun came up.

My heart was already bursting with happiness before the sun came up.

The days are long but the years are short. I can’t stress this enough. No matter what time your day starts and ends, it can be exhausting. But remember to find the joy in those moments. The blessings through the sleepy eyes. And the coffee in the kitchen. Even if it’s cold.

As a Mom sometimes I struggle with the pressure from my perceptions of Motherhood and the portrayal of Motherhood from parts of society that tell me that I should base my entire existence and goals around my children. That I should be able to keep everyone happy, healthy, fed, clothed, a clean house, run a home daycare and be the perfect wife every day and get complete fulfillment out of reaching this goal. Well maybe if that goal was attainable I would have complete fulfillment…but it’s not attainable, that’s a fairytale, a work of fiction.

No matter how many things I cross off of my TODO list each day, there will always be things added to it faster than I can check off. One of my kids (mine or my daycare kids) will always need something in a timely matter when I am already busy doing something else of equal importance. There will always be another spill, another spot on the rug/couch/shirt/wall. I have run myself ragged in the past trying to keep up the appearance of life being flawlessly perfect and effortless. But let me be frank…it never was (and never will be) perfect and it was FAR from effortless. That was before we had Irish Twins!

My day starts early with these sweet, precious and sometimes straight up demanding little people. It’s full of feeding them, changing them, setting up/picking up toys,  washing clothes/high chairs, floors/hands/faces/noses/butts/and the occasional wall. And then my daycare kiddos arrive and multiply that workload by four. It’s constant commotion, accommodating different schedules…and watching sweet babies grow into incredible little people. There is so much to do each day that if I wrote it all down I think my hand would fall off. It’s so time consuming, labor intensive, patience testing, and joyful all at the same time. So when the daycare kids leave, dinner is eaten, baths are done, and my sweet babies are in bed asleep and our house is put back together in preparation for the next crazy day….

I take a minute to just sit and breathe. I’m glad they’re sleeping. I’m glad I can take time to focus on myself (and my hard working hubs…oh yeah, I’m a wife too). To remember that I am a human being too with needs and wants and interests. I need this time each day to recharge: to recharge myself so that I can wake up tomorrow and do it all again. And hopefully be better at something than I was today. To be more patient, more fun, laugh more, enjoy the chaos more, stress less, take in the sunshine, and be more of who I am supposed to be. I don’t feel guilty when I take time to recharge, I can’t pour into my children’s cup if mine is empty. I love when my Mom or hubs is in charge of my kids and I get a mani/pedi, or peruse Target by myself. These moments are ones that fill my cup, that allow me to miss my kids so I can come back reenergized. So whether you’re a working Mom, stay at home Mom, work at home Mom, or any combination of the above…take the time to recharge. To just be you. Find you. And enjoy being who you are. Your kids will learn from that and hopefully be fulfilled, well rounded, resilient human beings too.

Enjoy today, whatever is on your TODO list. And enjoy your coffee…even if it’s cold.

Now let me say that I am used to watching kids, I’ve been through the teething stages with many different daycare kids so this is nothing new to me. And I also have seen how kids are usually whiny/clingy/temperamental with their parents, especially their Mamas and better at daycare. “

Now, being a Mama myself I have realized that being the Mama + a teething baby = HOLY COW Teething Trouble all day and night.

I swear, teething takes parenting and testing your patience to a whole new level. My sweet, happy, easy-going 15 month old has turned into a whining, clingy, drooling, frustrated baby Koala bear who has gone through a sleep regression.  This means a whole lot of extra, slow deep breaths, more “Come to Jesus’ moments and a whole lot of coffee (that’s usually cold of course). This poor child has three molars trying to break through his little gums all at the same time (I’m pretty sure that’s a form of cruel and unusual punishment if you ask me).

I just have to keep reminding myself that this too shall pass. One day both my babies will have all their baby teeth, sleep through the night and not want to cling to me for comfort all day long. And then pretty soon the Teething Fairy’s greedy twin the Tooth Fairy will be visiting our house at night and leaving coins under their pillows and I’ll be tearing up holding those little tiny teeth in my hands and wishing my babies were still babies.

So tonight, when I’m up at night and comforting each sweet baby who needs me, I’ll smell their hair, hold them tight and reassure them that I’m right here in the dark when they call for me. And tomorrow when I am met with my sweet, drooling, clingy, whining koala bear, I’ll hug him, comfort him, and reassure him that I’m always here for the hug he needs, I’ll have the patience to take the time to figure out what he needs, andI’ll put my hot coffee down to meet his needs first. And then I’ll drink my coffee….that’s probably going to be cold.

As a parent of Irish Twins, some people think we’re batshit crazy ambitious and I have gotten some comments that I would categorize as a bit “out there” from strangers or people I don’t know well.  This got me thinking and wondering if other Mama’s have been asked some horribly invasive or stupid outlandish questions so I posted it to our local Mom’s Facebook group page and I couldn’t believe some of the things people have asked these women.

So here is the list of things that have been said to REAL moms by REAL people. We are all REAL parents, working REALLY hard to do what we think is best for our Little Ones.

The things said are in bold, the responses are not. Feel free to skim or read them all! 

Things That you NEVER say to a Parent:

To ANY PARENT: 

1. Were they planned?
2. Is that your child? Are you the nanny/grandma?  
3. Is the Dad involved?
4. [When buying a pregnancy test] Do you want it to be negative or positive?
5. If you think a toddler is hard, wait until they’re teenagers
6. Do you think you’ll keep her/him?
7. Oh, he’s so cute! He must take after his father.
8. Are her glasses real?
9. Are you pregnant?
10. Are you sure you’re not pregnant?
11. Are you their real mother/father?
12. I see you are married, good for you for marrying the father of your youngest!
13. Thank goodness it’s a boy. Your parents will be so pleased, and now you don’t have to have any more if you don’t want to.
14. How did you get a baby? 
15. Oops!! That wasn’t planned! Don’t do that again!
16. He’s so big, you should really only feed him when he’s super hungry.
17. Wow, he’s a lot to handle.
18. You’re so skinny, doesn’t your mother ever feed you? 
19. Raising girls is scary, they’re more likely to be abducted. 
20. You look tired.
21. You look too young/old to have kids!
22. Your son is so cute! [She’s a girl]
23. Your daughter is so cute! [He’s a boy]
24. If you had a c-section you didn’t really give birth. You’re lucky you got the easy way out. 
25. You had a C-section? Aren’t you sad you missed out on the natural way?
26. Oh…you’re not breastfeeding…”
27. Don’t you know that boys grow up and never visit their mothers
28. It’s so great that dad babysits the kids sometimes!
29. When does your NICU baby get to come home, isn’t that hard not having him home?
30. Oh 7 yrs apart,  same husband?
31. I know a lot of parents don’t like your kid, but we love him. Ummm thanks?
32. Wow, I don’t envy you AT ALL!
33. You’re STILL breastfeeding? When are you going to stop? That baby is too old to be breastfeeding still. 
34. Are they a good baby? She’s on parole, I’m just her officer. No, she’s been to juvie a few times, and is wanted for armed robbery.
35. Don’t worry, your body will bounce back. 
36. When are you going to have a boy?/You need a boy to carry on the family name.
37. You’re not going to breastfeed, are you? Then you’re no better than an animal!
38. Now, you’re too big to be pushed around in a stroller like that. You need to get up and walk around like the rest of us.
39. Why are they so shy?  Uhhh, they don’t know you.

To a Parent not Wearing a Wedding Ring: 

1. You should probably tell people that you and her father are married, you know so people don’t ask questions.
2. If he loved you he would marry you.
3. Do you think you’ll get married?
4. You’re divorced and you bought this house on your own? You must get a lot of child support.

To a Pregnant Woman: 

1. Are you sure you’re not expecting twins?
2. You’re huge, is your due date near?
3. [If the person only has boy children] You must be hoping for a girl.
4. [If the person only has girl children] You must be hoping for a boy.
5. What are you going to do with it? 
6. When are you scheduling your csection? 
7. Hmm, he has not dropped yet, but you look done!
8. Are you ever going to show? Are they sure about your due date, I didn’t even remember you were pregnant. 
9. Eww, you’re already so huge. 
10. You didn’t buy both cribs yet, right? Because sometimes one twin can die. 
11. I hope your baby survives since you’re telling people so early. 
12. I’m sure your husband wants a boy.

To Adoptive Parents or Stepparents:

1. Where is the real mom? 
2. Where is the real dad?
3. Why would you steal their baby?
4. How much did you pay for her?
5. Where did you get her? 
6. And your husband doesn’t want his OWN?
7. Which one of you is their REAL Mom/Dad? 

To Parents of Multiple Children: 

1. Are your twins natural? 
2. Why did you want to have them so far apart? That must have been awful to adjust back to
3. Why did you want to have them so close? 
4. I’m sorry it’s another boy.. are you going to keep trying for a girl?
5. Really? Another one? 
6. Oh! You finally got a GIRL!!
7. Wow, I guess you really take this Catholic thing seriously!
8. You know you are supposed to stop after you have one of each.
9. Now you don’t need to have any more
10. Double Trouble
11. You’ve got your hands full. My hands are only full when I hold them at the same time.
12. You know how that happens right?

To Parents with only One Child:

1. You should have more kids.
2. You should have more kids NOW, you’re not getting any younger.
3. When are you having another? You should have another one, it isn’t fair that he’s an only child
4. Why would you only have ONE child? That is so sad and selfish.

To Parents of a Young Child: 

1. “That baby shouldn’t be out. That’s a newborn”
2. Do you carry your baby in that sling a lot? You should put your baby down more often or they won’t be independent.

And my favorite honorable mention:

“Look what happens when you are not careful” but it was said by local bum at 5 am as she was pushing her baby daughter in stroller in downtown La Jolla so she took it in stride.

I think the main point I want to bring across is that parenting is HARD!! Hard enough when you’re not deflecting hurtful comments, running after an escaping toddler, figuring out how to pay for everything your child needs, and wondering when you’ll actually sleep again.  You never know someone’s story, their struggles with infertility, body image, self worth, battles with illness, the emotions of being a foster parent, postpartum depression or anything else life might have thrown their way. As humankind we both need to remember that everyone is human and be kind. 

I hope these comments find the eyes of someone who might have said one of these things and now will decide not to. When in doubt of what to say…. just say, ” What a beautiful family.” 

I hope you’ve gotten a laugh from some of these, learned from others and have enjoyed your coffee this morning, even if it’s cold. 

Every time I walk into a Baby store I am hit with how many options there are and how much “stuff” they advertise that we “Need” to raise a tiny human. Even knowing what I knew about raising kids from my time as a nanny and daycare provider I found myself drawn to filling my Baby Registry with a massive amount of “stuff” for this tiny human in my belly. But when that tiny human arrived I realized I was spending so much time trying to organize all these items and finding where I had organized them to! Chasing me anxiety, time missed with that sweet baby, and drowning in too much stuff. We ended up returning things and replacing all this “stuff” with the things we actually needed instead of just wanted. This is the list I wish someone had given me when I first started looking at the miles of baby “stuff”.

Less is More: 

• Baby Crib: Look for something versatile and adjustable. Something that can be used as a bassinet, crib, and toddler bed(only three side rails). This will allow you to set it up perfectly for every stage of your baby’s early years and for your individual needs. Remember this should be STURDY! You never know if that sweet little monkey will actually scale your furniture like one in the future.
• Baby mattress: look for something firm. We prefer Organic foam just as a personal choice.
• Baby Bedding: 
  • Two mattress protectors/covers
  • Two or three sets of sheets
  • Remember: Baby bumpers and blankets are superrr cute but also super dangerous and a suffocation hazard. A baby should only be in a crib with a firm mattress, tightly fitted sheet, and that’s it.
  • Mobile 
• Something for storage: A dresser/changing table/shelf with drawers. Weigh out how much storage your supplies will actually take up. Things to also think about: Is this your only storage spot? Do you have a closet to organize items in? Garage for extra diaper/wipes/clothes bins storage? Keeping the room simple will help you relax and not stress so much about organizing all your items each time you use them. My advice is to keep one pack of wipes/diapers/supplies out that will fit in a cute caddy and keep the rest stored away until you need to restock that bin. We currently use the IKEA Kallax shelf unit with Drona boxes for our diaper/toy/clothes/carrier/”extras” storage in our boys’ room.   We have chosen not to have a dresser or changing table due to our lack of space, so we just have a floating changing pad that stays in our living or dining room that we move as needed.
  • Shelf:  https://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/30275861/#/30275861
  • Drona boxes: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/60382398/
• Changing pad with wipeable/washable cover:
  • Cover:  https://www.target.com
• Diaper organizing caddy: I keep diapers, wipes, butt cream, tooth brush/paste for our toddler, q-tips, nail clippers, breast pads and a baby brush/comb in ours. It floats around our house depending on where we are and was a lifesaver for those early weeks when you don’t really want to move around too much. https://amzn.to/2N4s5Xr
• Toy Storage: We currently have an IKEA Kallax Shelf that we use in our living room for toy storage, but I recommend something with doors for your sanity and the ability to close off the “mess” for simplicity. Otherwise a shelf with baskets is also a good option. We also have a decorative toy bin that slides under our coffee table that I put an IKEA bin inside to give it more stability. Remember that less is more especially with toys. Keep half of them put a away in a bin in the top of a closet and rotate them as you think is best, this keeps the toys interesting because each time you switch it your child will rediscover each toy
  • Toy bin: https://amzn.to/2C6vmkP
  • IKEA insert bin: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/30064849/
  • Shelf: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/20294619
• Swing/ Mamaroo: Not something that you NEED but something that will make your life MUCH better for those moments when you need to just have ONE quiet, sane moment to your self take a shower, get things ready to leave, go to the bathroom in peace.
  • https://amzn.to/2PSvXcC
• Bouncer/portable seat: This is great for being able to move a sleeping or content baby around your house or outside as needed. Having one that is a swing also is helpful if you have a little one who loves to move. We had the 4MOMs bouncer and I loved it for many reasons: lightweight, wipeable material, and had three different types of vibration patterns and three different intensities for each. This allows you to find out exactly what your little one prefers. I don’t believe they  make this anymore, but something with similar features is what you should be looking for.
• Pack and Play:This is a must have if you ever intend to travel anywhere at any time with your little one. Traveling is hard enough but making sure that your baby has a confined safe place to sleep and play when you are on vacation: Most places will not be baby-proofed so this will make your vacation relaxing as opposed to chasing after your little one at all hours of the day.
  • https://amzn.to/2PXs4U7
• High Chair: There are a few different options depending on what you’re looking for.
  • Standalone, stylish and will grow with your baby: https://amzn.to/2C6Q6Jn 
  • Cheap and yet functional: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/s89228434/
  • Functional booster space saver style: https://amzn.to/2NCMkZp
• Strollers: see my recent blog post for suggestions! I do recommend making sure it has a car seat attachment that fits your Infant Carrier car seat. https://coldcoffeewithkids.com/2018/08/27/strollers-arent-just-for-kids-stroller-reviews/
• Infant Car Seat: This is not necessary but will make your life a whole lot easier with transporting a very fragile little baby for the first few months of life. Especially in the winter months.
  • Maxi Cosi: https://amzn.to/2MHLx9
• Convertible Car Seat: This is my absolute favorite car seat( and I have had experience with many different car seats from the little ones I have nannied for in the past). The Diono Radian is a very slim carseat while still being spacious enough for three seats to fit across the backseat of a regular car. This doesn’t mean you need to have three back there to experience the benefits though, it makes it easy to have an adult or two sitting next to the seat without feeling squished. It also has a steel frame(so it is heavy), but folds for transportation. We have enjoyed this seat for the past year with our 15 month old and have one in line for the baby too when she’s ready for it. https://amzn.to/2ND4slMWe also have a few accessories for it:
  • Angle Adjuster: makes the car seat not recline so far back: https://amzn.to/2MJAW1k
  • Seat protector: You’ll want one that has a high back for those dirty little feet or shoes when they are bigger. Also one with a front storage pocket is great for stashing toys, books, or diapers and wipes. https://amzn.to/2wzE19j
  • Baby back seat mirror 
• Baby Bath tub: I’ve heard the Bloom bath seats are great, however we just use a regular one with infant sponge insert.
• Baby bath towels: the ones with the hoods are great!
• Baby wash cloths: you can use these for baths but also for wiping up after eating. It’s nice to know these towels will only be for baby related cleaning to keep them away from any other harsh cleaning product residues. I was these with our baby laundry.
• Nursing/carseat/grocery cart cover: https://amzn.to/2PXSZyN
• A few nice baby blankets: Aden and Anais blankets are my favorite for a few reasons: they are light weight but still keep them warm, they wash well and seem to get softer each wash and have cute patterns.
  • https://amzn.to/2oxin28
• Baby bibs: 
  • Silicone for solids: https://amzn.to/2N6MbR8
  • Fabric for bottles: https://amzn.to/2wA4AMz
• Clothing Items: 
  • Two sleep sacks in each size (Small, Medium and Large): These will replace your need for a blanket. I recommend using a thin one and you can always later a sleeper or long sleeve/long pants pajama under it. Baby’s skin should be cool to the touch while sleeping (not cold or warm). I have also found that when my babies are cooler they sleep better! And it’s always good to have at least one back up for those middle of the night blow outs/spit ups/vomit/bottle spill occasions.
    • Light weight sleep sack swaddle: https://amzn.to/2N66vSB
    • Light weight sleep sack: https://amzn.to/2N4hI65
  • Clothes in every size: So many times we are focused on the little tiny outfits but  these babies grow out of clothes so quickly that you’ll find yourself needing the next sizes up before you know it. 
  • Pajamas/Sleep and Plays: Here are some of my absolute favorite brands that wear/wash/hold up well.
    • Hanna Andersson: perfect for both sleep and play, plus I like that they don’t have feet. You do have to add socks occasionally, but the ankles are fitted enough that they keep the socks on.  https://www.hannaandersson.com/pajamas/
    • Bonds Wondersuit: These are quickly becoming my absolute favorite since I got some from a friend. They have hand and foot optional covers, they are super soft, wear/wash extremely well, and are incredibly soft. https://amzn.to/2N6zCFq.
  •  A winter “jacket” romper is what we use for outwear in the winter instead of a jacket. Ours is thin fleece from Hanna Andersson but this one looks similar. I’d order up at least one size to make sure it will still fit for the entire winter. https://www.hannaandersson.com/sale-event-baby/41904-GW8.html?cgid=sale-event-baby&dwvar_41904-GW8_color=GW8
• Bottles: Even if you don’t plan to use formula, you should still have a few bottles on hand for when you leave baby with a babysitter or family. I recommend only having a handful of good quality bottles. This will push you to wash them often(old milk curdles and creates a filmy layer quickly) and also will simplify your life because you don’t have to keep so many parts organized. We use glass(personal preference) and I have found that they clean better. You can get a silicone cover for them and they have proven to be incredibly durable. We also have a stainless steel one that is great for taking places. Here are my favorite bottle types (glass, stainless steel and plastic).
  • Glass: https://amzn.to/2N4LS9k
  • Stainless steel: https://amzn.to/2LMiVdo
  • Plastic: https://amzn.to/2PSyDqG
• Food and Drink Supplies: Sippy Cups: Those first six months will fly by and before you know it you’ll be carrying one of these around all the time! What you’re looking for is something that is durable, will keep their drink cold and is easy to wash/prevent mold. We use Klean Kanteens and have loved them: they come with a sippy cup adapter and also a regular water bottle spout to grow with your baby into toddlerhood and beyond. https://amzn.to/2PqR4Sw
  • Silicone food tray for freezing baby food purees or breast milk. You can either freeze and store it in the container or pop out the cubes and store them in a freezer bag or container. https://amzn.to/2N8bQIZ
  • Blender: Making your own baby food blends is MUCH easier than I realized. By buying in bulk and making food in bulk, you can save so much money and spend just a little time doing it. A baby food maker specifically isn’t needed although some people have said they prefer it. We just steamed veggies in a pot or kept fruit raw and blended it up in the Ninja Blender poured it into the freezer trays and froze it. I would pull out a few days worth of each and put them in the fridge to thaw.  https://amzn.to/2NBY12F
  • Food containers: A bento box will be your friend whether you’re doing baby food and especially when you pack up lunches to take with you. https://amzn.to/2PW9uvp
• Baby soaps, baby laundry detergent, baby lotion. (I’ll be review these items in a future blog post so keep an eye out!)

 

DIAPERS, DIAPERS, MORE DIAPERS IN ALL SIZES, WIPES, WIPES AND MORE WIPES!!! 

Those are the basics of raising your sweet little one. However, there are a few more items that I recommend especially if you plan on taking your baby on adventures like we do! 

• Folding portable high chair: https://amzn.to/2PTxYp3
• Sleeping pod: https://amzn.to/2PVWh5W
• Folding infant car seat stroller: https://amzn.to/2wzpFpK
• Folding picnic blanket: https://amzn.to/2NciuOE
• Some type of versatile baby carrier with a high weight limit:
  • Lillebaby: https://amzn.to/2PYvFkG 
  • Ergo: https://amzn.to/2oxfyhy
• Portable rechargeable fan: https://amzn.to/2owoXWq

Happy Registering, Nesting and enjoy your coffee hot well you can. Because soon you’ll have  sweet little baby who will lovingly distract you long enough for your coffee to get cold…so enjoy your coffee, even if it’s cold.